Number 13. Make peace with those whom peace needs to be made.

Number 13. Make peace with those whom peace needs to be made.

This is a hard one, it kind of links in to the forgive everybody task but also runs deeper than that!
Without airing any dirty laundry and boring people there are two separate situations in my life which for a few years have caused me a lot of heart ache and have effected my health, especially my mental health significantly.

I have been criticised for not having this as number one on my list (by the other side of the disagreement) but it wasn't foremost in my mind, purely and simply because it had been going on for a few years before writing my list last year and and I didn't know if I wanted to go 'public' with it or not. 

I've also been told that apparently I now only want to sort things out because it's on my list, totally untrue, I've always wanted a reconciliation, if you want to sort things out it doesn't matter when, what day, what year you just do it because you want things to be right! If people don't want to sort things out before I turn 40, so I don't achieve this on my list then that really says more about their mentality than it does mine! 

The main thing I have wanted and will always want is for differences to be resolved and for things to be better than they are.

On a personal level the upset significantly lowered my confidence, made me feel like I was wrong and a bad person, and feeling attacked all the time and lied about just makes you feel like you are in a big hole you cant climb out of. I'm not an evil or nasty person, I am a very honest person and if someone has done wrong by me, or my husband, my kids, or someone I care about I will defend them and stand up for them. I appreciate not everyone likes their wrongs pointing out, but if you have done wrong by someone then why should you get away with it, why should you not realise you have hurt someone? I believe if you have done wrong you should say sorry and face up to the consequences.

I understand that not everyone likes straight talking, or face to face discussion, some people like to hide behind text messages, ignore you completely, or talk behind your back. I prefer to discuss a problem, let both sides say their issues and then move on.

I am quite happy to and will always say I am sorry when I have done wrong, but unfortunately in both the situations that have happened, I have said sorry, but this still isn't enough for them and I have had no apology in return. I can therefore really do no more. 

I have tried my hardest throughout the year to improve things, I will always try as I think in both cases its not just me I have to consider but its my husband and kids too.

The major change for me this year is that I'm not allowing the anger to take hold of me, I have forgiven them, I can't make people change their minds about me or force them to have a relationship with me. I would prefer people to make up their own minds and not just form part of a 'pack' of disliking me for the sake of disliking me but again I can't change other peoples reactions or thoughts they have to want and do this for themselves. I just wish people would realise that there are always two sides to every story.

It's hard to stand up to a pack of bullies telling you what you should and shouldn't do who are telling lies about you, and want to bring you down and ridicule you at every opportunity. When you are an individual to stand up and be strong is the hardest part and I've realised that as much as you may want to change things some people just won't move on. 

I can live with myself, my heart is a lot calmer, I really don't want conflict.
I know I treat every day as a new day, I try and help and be there for as many people as I can and I always try to do the right thing! I also have the support of many wonderful people who when times are tough help pick me up, but I will never ever go back to the darkness that once consumed me, life is definitely for living and if you let the past control your future then there really is no hope!